Most people have heard of fight or flight, but fewer know about the "fawn" nervous system response. For many high-functioning people, fawning is something they do daily and often for decades, without even realising.

The four stress responses.

When your nervous system perceived a threat, whether physical or emotional - it activates one of four responses: fight, flight, freeze or fawn.

Fawning is the response of prioritising other people's needs, emotions and comfort in order to manage a perceived threat. From the outside, it might look like kindness, flexibility or selflessness, but underneath it, the nervous system has learned that "if I make sure everyone around me is comfortable, I will be safe."

Where fawning comes from

Fawning typically develops in response to environments where conflict, rejection or unpredictability feel unsafe. This might be from a childhood where peace was necessary for safety, or in a controlling relationship where managing a partners emotions became a survival strategy. Or it could be at work, where being accommodating to your team or management is the only way to keep your job.

Over time, fawning becomes automatic and can shape your personality - you become the easy one, the flexible one, the one who will always put others first..

Signs the fawn response might be running your life.

Being a people pleaser is the number one sign, if you find it impossible to say no, or say yes even when it negatively impacts you.

Another sign is that you feel responsible for other peoples emotions and feel that you have to manage them. Conflict might feel huge to you (not just uncomfortable). You change yourself to be what you think people need from you. Despite having strong opinions and preferences, you rarely share them with other people.

You put so much effort into making sure everyone around you is ok, you are exhausted and have stopped checking that you are ok.

Why recognising fawning can change things

When you start understanding how your nervous system works, it is easier to recognise the responses it has and what triggers certain behaviour. When you recognise the "fawn" response, you can stop blaming yourself for being a "pushover", you stop trying to change through willpower alone.

Your nervous system responses can be learned and those responses aren't permanent.

If you would like support, book a free call to find out how I can help.